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Most of my friends know I don’t take alcohol. Something happened yesterday that made me take a bottle of Trophy.

I went downstairs on Boxing Day to play chess. All my friends and big brothers were around. One big bros came to visit his mum. He hasn’t been around for a while. He was so so excited to see his childhood friends. So excited that he ordered several bottles of chilled beer for everyone. Everyone drank to stupor. Everyone except me. They totally forgot that I don’t drink alcohol.

When the 1st round of beer arrived I kept looking at them all. Dem no send me. Then the second round of beers arrived. Na so I dey wink dey give them sign. Dem still no send me. By the time the 3rd round arrived, I don vex. I didn’t want to approach them and lambast them for this grievous oversight and harm done to my person. All of them are far older than me. So I started brainstorming, thinking hard on how to solve this serious problem. Then I had an eureka moment. A brilliant idea.

I stood up from where I was playing chess, walked up to them and pickled up a bottle of TROPHY beer and walked away with it. They all started laughing. They all knew I wouldn’t drink it. They were right, I had no intention of drinking it.

I walked up to the house of the woman who sold it to them. Told her what has been happening since morning. The woman laughed. Told her I came to swap the trophy for 2 soft drinks. She laughed harder. She collected the trophy from me and gave me 2 soft drinks. She then told me I can come anytime to swap any beer for soft drinks. A bottle of trophy is N250, the two soft drinks are worth 100 bucks each. So I get my soft drinks and she makes N50 profit from the swap. It’s a win win situation.

I walked gallantly back to their midst with my soft drinks, and told them anytime they order beers they should give me my own bottle, I now TAKE Beer.

Sense will not keel me.

PS1: If you were expecting me to narrate how I drank my 1st bottle of beer, I am sorry I disappointed you, IT WAS INTENTIONAL.

PS2: If you are relieved that this story wasn’t about me drinking beer, am seriously shaking my head for you. I have nothing against alcoholic drinks. I know for a fact that my body can’t handle alcohol. I once drank the smallest bottle of alomo bitters, I was carried home.

What do you think?

Written by Tunji Lasisi


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