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Several months ago I was so so broke, I kept opening my bank apps hoping to find money. Hoping someone miraculously sent me some dough. Everytime I opened my GTBank and Sterling apps I hissed.

After several hours I suddenly remembered I had a UBA account, I hurriedly downloaded the app, and tried the login details I remembered, the app opened to reveal that I had NGN12,495.53. I was so excited. Sharp sharp I tried to transfer 12K to my GTbank account, it no go. The message that popped up told me I had insufficient funds. I logged out of the UBA app, logged in again and rubbed my eyes. Yep the NGN12,495.53 was still there. Tried transferring 12k to my Sterling, got the same msg. OK. I tried transferring 1k, same thing. I tried 100 naira, same insufficient funds message.

By this time I don vex. What rubbish. My own money I cannot withdraw. Take note, I had no idea where the NGN12,495.53 came from. Before that very day I was sure I had nothing in that account. With vex I took a bike and one napep to the closest UBA in my area. I entered with swag, no queue at the customer service desk. Yes, today Na today. The following conversation ensued:

UBA CSR: Good morning sir, how may I help you today?

ME: Good morning MA! I have an urgent issue I need resolved. I have some money in my account, about 12k but I can neither withdraw nor transfer it.

UBA CSR: Oh, am sorry about that sir. Can I have your account number so I can check?

I gave her my account number. While she was typing on her keyboard I was tapping by foot. Today Na Today, I go show una pepper. I was studying the lady’s facial expression. Suddenly she rolled her eyes looked at me and:

UBA CSR: Sorry sir, you don’t have any money in your account.

ME: What! That’s rubbish. See my app it’s says I gave over 12k, how can you say I don’t have any money?

She looks at my phone shakes her head, rolls her eyes and:

UBA CSR: Sorry sir, you don’t have any money in your account:

ME: This is rubbish, no problem, I am not banking with you guys again. What rubbish.

I jumped up, livid, walked away into the security door. As I was vexing my mind kept playing back the way that UBA Customer Service Rep was rolling her eyes. So I decided to go to the UBA ATM outside to check my balance. All these while I only checked through the app.

I slotted my atm card into the machine. Entered my pin and pressed the buttons to reveal my balance. When I saw the balance, my jaw dropped .

The NGN12,495.53 was there alright, there was something else though. A VERY BIG MINUS. My account balance was -12,495.53. I couldn’t bring myself to go back into the bank to ask why my account had a 12k deficit. I just JEJELY, walked away from the bank and went back home.

The most painful part of this whole matter was that I woke up with N500 that morning, by the time I got home from the bank I had just N100 left.

Opened my UBA app this morning and the stupid NGN12,495.53 is still there.

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